


you didn't mean to say "i love you."

by babiehyvck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, M/M, Mentioned Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sad Ending, its so soft at first, like a whole lotta angst, yes my own fic made me cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babiehyvck/pseuds/babiehyvck
Summary: everything was perfect. until it wasn’t.-title from Billie Eilish’s I Love You
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	you didn't mean to say "i love you."

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me writing some feelings out. please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes, i’m really goin through it rn 😔✋🏻
> 
> disclaimer - lee jeno is literally my baby and like i know he would never ever hurt anyone like this and i’m not trynna hate on him bc he’s the cutest of all
> 
> also !! i love jaemin he literally deserves the world and i would never ever actually want him to get hurt :((
> 
> also lowercase intended

jaemin wanted to see jeno’s breathtaking smile for the rest of his life. he wanted to watch the boy’s eyes sparkle everytime they were together. he wanted to feel his boyfriends arms around him for years to come, and beyond that.

this is what jaemin had told the other as they walked hand in hand on their way back to their shared apartment on the night of their 1 year anniversary. it had seemed to jaemin like they had already been together forever, but he could only pray that forever didn’t have an expiration date. and, at this rate, he had hope that it didn’t.

jaemins not an idiot. he sees the way jeno looks at him when they’re together and he notices the stolen glances from the other when he thinks jaemin isn’t looking. he’s sure the boy beside him is just as in love as he is, he would bet on it.

if jeno didn’t love him, he wouldn’t have stayed through the hardships that the two had faced. being an idol in a gay relationship wasn’t easy for jaemin, but he didn’t ever want to imagine how his lover felt, constantly being compared to him. jaemins not even sure he could have endured that, so he knows jeno really loves him.

jaemin doesn’t realize they had walked so far as jeno pulled him out of his thoughts with a,” you’ve got the keys, right?”

apparently he had been lost thinking about jeno enough to completely block out the walk to their apartment building and to their temporary home. funnily enough, this place had felt more like home than any oversized house he’d lived in growing up, no matter how small it was. jeno had insisted on getting a smaller place so they would feel closer, and jaemin agreed immediately. he didn’t need expensive things when he had jeno. he was worth more than any money could ever buy.

jaemin nodded to jeno’s question, pulling out the keys from his pocket and opening the door, only for jeno to immediately pull him to the couch for a movie night cuddle session, which the two had often.

it wasn’t weird for the two to sit in silence and just hold each other, both reluctant to ever let go, which is why they eased into it so easily right after jeno had put on a movie. jaemin had always been the more submissive one, so laying against jeno’s chest while the other’s arms and legs were wrapped around him was beyond normal. jaemin was never shy about loving his boyfriend’s warm body, always trying to be as close to him as possible. this time, though, something had just started to slowly feel... off. he couldn’t place the feeling, but it just wasn’t right.

the thought that something was wrong ate at jaemin for a few more minutes until jeno shuffled and said, “hey, baby i gotta go to the bathroom.”

jaemin lifted himself off of the other and watched as he left the room before falling back into the couch cushions where his boyfriend had sat moments before.

just like the cuddling, being on each other’s phones wasn’t abnormal for the couple either. it was a common thing for them, not because they didn’t trust each other, but because they just didn’t really mind charging things with each other.

jaemin had left his phone on the table across the room, so he picked up jeno’s to scroll through twitter as he waited for the boy.

jaemins curiosity was peaked when jeno got a message from a contact he had simply named “💜” and, since he knew his boyfriend wouldn’t mind, he clicked on it, opening the conversation. jaemins face twisted as he read through.

💜:  
are you busy tonight?

jeno:  
i’m with jaemin babe

💜:  
oh okay. text me when you’re not.

jeno:  
i’m sorry, love, i promise i’m getting rid of him soon

💜:  
it’s fine. you got the popularity you wanted from him, and i’m willing to wait a bit longer for you

jeno:  
i’ll be all yours soon, i promise. i love you. so much more than him.

💜:  
i know. i love you too, baby

jaemin felt the tears well up in his eyes as he dropped the phone in his lap. “all this time? none of this was real? i was so damn sure that it was genuine. how did he manage to fool me for a fucking year?“ jaemins mind was going crazy thinking of any way for them to come back from this. it really hurt, but jaemin is so in love with jeno that he was willing to ignore it all and be with him. he knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t lose his sunshine. jaemin couldn’t help but hope this was all done sick prank, that whoever “💜” was didn’t actually exist. he hoped that it was just one of jeno and donghyucks stupid schemes to fool their friend. no matter what he thought of, though, he just couldn’t make himself believe it, so he settled with dropping his head into his hands and trying to let the tears wash his feelings away.

it was about 5 minutes later when the bathroom door opened and shut again, revealing a smiley jeno. “sorry, baby. stomachache. wanna get back to this?” jeno giggled, walking through the dark hallway to the living room.

when jaemin didn’t respond, he finally looked to the couch where they had sat, only to see jaemin hunched over and shaking violently. jeno rushed over immediately, kneeling down beside the couch and putting one arm over jaemins back.

“darling, what’s wrong?”

when jaemin had somewhat processed it all, he shoved jeno’s arm off of him and looked up at the boy, makeup smeared from wiping his tears.

“why?” the broken boy whispered, which only welcomed more tears to stream down his face.

“what do you mean?”

“god damnit, jeno! you know exactly what i mean!” jaemin shouted, hitting jeno’s chest as hard as he could manage. it wasn’t nearly enough to hurt the other, though, because of how weak he was right now.

that’s when jeno spotted his phone in jaemins lap,his face going pale at the realization of what jaemin must have discovered.

“fuck, baby, listen—“ jeno said as he tried to hug jaemin, only to be pushed away.

“i don’t wanna hear it.” jaemin sobbed as he spoke,” all this time and it’s been nothing to you? i gave you everything. i trusted you with everything i had, only to find this? do you know how fucking terrifying it was to offer myself to you? my heart, my body, you had every part of me and you didn’t even want it. i’m such an idiot.”

when jeno was sure he wasn’t going to get anything else but jaemin crying on their couch, he stood up, taking his phone and any other small belongings near him, gave jaemin what he could only assume was a goodbye forehead kiss, and said, “i’m sorry” as he walked away and closed the door behind him, leaving jaemin and his broken heart alone in the dark, quiet apartment.

that was the day that jaemin decided he never wanted to see jeno’s breathtaking smile again.

**Author's Note:**

> if you feel like you've seen this before, you probable have!! its reposted from an old account that i was locked out of. this is probably my favorite work of mine, although its short and sad, so i hope u enjoyed 
> 
> if u wanna contact me or interact with me;  
> instagram: @yikes.its.riley  
> twitter: @babiehyvck


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